You Are Whatever You Believe You Are

Lately I’ve been so wrapped in my thoughts and this time around its helped me a great deal. It’s been an odd year to say the least. I had high hopes of a lot of things and ended up with so many disappointments. I was looking forward to new ventures and ended up in horrible situations I’d rather forget.

The first part of the year is a blur; the less I think about it… The better! Many of the people I met were nothing more than a mere lesson. I attended a pity party for one and thought to myself ‘Why me?’ ‘What did I do to deserve this?’, I had to leave the party early- it wasn’t my scene!

I spent far too much time dwelling on things in the past instead of working on improving my year. I am a bit of a worrier at the worst of times, I had to turn things around and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am in fact a warrior! I’ve put on a brave face and soldiered on and I will continue to do so!

Surround yourself with those who uplift you

I posted a poem I wrote called ‘Don’t take it personally’ and although I strongly believe time away from loved ones is needed, it is also crucial to vent every once in a while. Not everyone will be able to offer you the advice you need, however it will help you feel better and vice versa. Keeping things bottled up all the time will not harm anyone but yourself. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart, it is up to you who you decide who’s shoulder to cry on and in due time you will discover who is really down for you.

you can’t help others until you help yourself

I hate seeing my friends down in the dumps and I try the hardest to lift their spirits, but I found it so difficult to do so when I wasn’t feeling 100%. I kinda thought I would be of no help since I was struggling to help myself… I was totally wrong here, it’s possible!

My friend was in a similar situation to me, we were pretty much in the same boat to be honest. Every time we spoke he would offer me encouragement and advice. The last time we spoke I discovered he had found an escape, he knew what he wanted and he got it, one of the last things he said to me that day was ‘Sometimes you just have to go out and get it Rochelle’.

I woke up the next day feeling much more motivated. I could see my friend had removed himself from somewhere he wasn’t happy and made some progress. I was happy for him. By now I knew it was my turn, I had nothing to lose after all.

One minute I was counting my misfortunes and the next I was counting my blessings

I recall feeling so angry about EVERYTHING. I walked around feeling like the world was on my shoulders. I overlooked all the good things in my life and when I read about so & so doing XYZ I felt like crap. My automatic response to ‘how are you?’ was never a simple ‘I’m fine’ it was always ‘I’m fine, but..’ but what? I had to remind myself that I am alive, healthy, I have a wonderful family, a great set of friends, a job and so much more. I stopped complaining so much and refrained from driving myself crazy with my thoughts. In no time I noticed a big difference… I started to feel a lot better about all aspects of my life, then I started to see results.

Not everyone will understand your journey, but its okay its not theirs to understand

YESSS, please read the above again. Lately people don’t seem to understand why I am so content. ‘Don’t you have any complaints?’ ‘You’re telling me everything is A-OK?’ Yup that’s exactly what I’m telling you. I keep getting questioned about what is happening in my life lately and why I don’t want to divulge. As long as I’m doing okay that is all that matters- right? I’ve never felt the need to explain the in’s and out’s of what is going on in my life to any and everyone.

Don’t be afraid to be happy

Another blogger said this to me a few months ago.  Its taken me a long time to process the last month or so. It feels so unreal and unlike the beginning of the year, this is a good thing! I’ve proved to myself that when I put my mind to it, I can achieve it! There’s no reason why I can’t live happily like everyone else!

Its all down to my thoughts at the end of the day. If I keep feeding my body with junk food how can I expect to be healthy, its the same with my thoughts.. How can I expect a positive outcome with negativity running through my veins? It doesn’t work like that!

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Don’t Take It Personally

I’m alone
I’m in my zone
You can still contact me via the web or phone
My thoughts are occupying me
I’m trying to bring out the best in me
At times I feel like God is testing me
I’m never off the radar for too long
I’m not ignoring anyone so please don’t get me wrong
Bear with me until I see the light
I’ll make an appearance when the time is right
Don’t take it personally

There are days I like to be alone with my thoughts. I find there is always that one person that tends to take it personally…

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Behind The Lies

At one point in time I was certain everything was fine

Then you proceeded to cross the line

You claimed I didn’t give you my time

Lie upon lie

I asked you a question which you denied

From there I knew I had figured it all out

I had finally figured out what you were all about

You implied it was all on me

I laughed to myself as I realised I was free

Free from your bullshit…I only wish I hadn’t wasted my time

A new leaf was turned that evening all because of one lie

All I have left is one question, why?

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The Tilted Home

I’ve never been able to get my head around people that decide to bring a child into the world, then disappear off the face of the earth. There are people in the world pining for their loved ones who are no longer with us, there are those who are unable to have kids and are longing to be able to hold a child of their own. Then there are ones that give up before they have even begun.

So what if you and the other parent do not get along? This shouldn’t have any impact on your relationship with your child. If the door has been open from the start then there really is no excuse.

If you have the opportunity to get to know your child, then please do! If you do not have the funds then please understand your child will appreciate your visits. Quality time cannot be match up to any amount of money. You may feel you have nothing to offer your child, but a half an hour visit every week might mean the world to them.

If you know you didn’t have the best upbringing, then why not put your energy into ensuring your child does not experience the same. Treat your childhood as an early lesson in parenthood.
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Everyone deserves a chance! Your child is a result of your actions, face up to your responsibilities and don’t have any regrets. She/he didn’t ask to be here, you made it happen!

Being a parent to a child isn’t an on/off relationship. One day everything is peachy and the next you decide you want out, it doesn’t work like that and sadly there are far too many stories similar to this. Your child may have a new step mother or father, but you will always be the one that helped bring them into the world. Take it a little further and be the one that guided them through life. Attend their graduation ceremony and be able to say ‘I’m proud of you’ and know the push in the right direction was down to you.

So when I hear people say don’t be bitter, how can do you explain feeling incomplete? or feeling like you have to compete for the heart of the one you’re dying to greet? Imagine seeing your parent with his/her new family or knowing that they are playing happy families with someone else’s child.

Imagine waiting by the phone for a phone call and not knowing if your parent is still alive. Imagine vaguely remembering what their laugh sounds like and attempting to generate memories of stories that never did unfold. Imagine looking through photo’s and only seeing his/her’s silhouette or finding a photo of the younger you next to a person you feel you’ve barely met.

Why don’t you try to make amends? Well my friend that all depends… If you insist on me reminding them that I still exist. It isn’t a one way street and why should I have to have my actions on repeat? I’ve been the bigger person I’ve been brought up well, but to constantly think people will change I’d have better luck wishing into a wishing well.

I really wish I could take away the pain from those who grew up in these types of households. The classic ‘broken home’; the home isn’t broken, it’s tilted! It still functions correctly I can assure you. You learn to adapt and keep your pride intact.

tilted

~This post is based on my own opinions and I do not intend to offend anyone.

Do You Really Need Someone?

We all need someone whether we want to admit it or not. I’m sure you can think of a few people you need in your life! I’m talking about in general, but I want to touch on the subject on a personal level! In theory we are all born alone and we die alone. However many of us feel as though we want or need a companion, it’s natural!

I asked my friend if he thought there were people that genuinely wanted to be alone long term and he said ‘Yes’. I’m unable to apprehend why anyone would choose to be alone long term, although it isn’t hard to understand what may have triggered their thoughts which lead to their decision. Surely there must be a part of them that desires some sort of a companionship?

What are your thoughts?

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