You Are Whatever You Believe You Are

Lately I’ve been so wrapped in my thoughts and this time around its helped me a great deal. It’s been an odd year to say the least. I had high hopes of a lot of things and ended up with so many disappointments. I was looking forward to new ventures and ended up in horrible situations I’d rather forget.

The first part of the year is a blur; the less I think about it… The better! Many of the people I met were nothing more than a mere lesson. I attended a pity party for one and thought to myself ‘Why me?’ ‘What did I do to deserve this?’, I had to leave the party early- it wasn’t my scene!

I spent far too much time dwelling on things in the past instead of working on improving my year. I am a bit of a worrier at the worst of times, I had to turn things around and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am in fact a warrior! I’ve put on a brave face and soldiered on and I will continue to do so!

Surround yourself with those who uplift you

I posted a poem I wrote called ‘Don’t take it personally’ and although I strongly believe time away from loved ones is needed, it is also crucial to vent every once in a while. Not everyone will be able to offer you the advice you need, however it will help you feel better and vice versa. Keeping things bottled up all the time will not harm anyone but yourself. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart, it is up to you who you decide who’s shoulder to cry on and in due time you will discover who is really down for you.

you can’t help others until you help yourself

I hate seeing my friends down in the dumps and I try the hardest to lift their spirits, but I found it so difficult to do so when I wasn’t feeling 100%. I kinda thought I would be of no help since I was struggling to help myself… I was totally wrong here, it’s possible!

My friend was in a similar situation to me, we were pretty much in the same boat to be honest. Every time we spoke he would offer me encouragement and advice. The last time we spoke I discovered he had found an escape, he knew what he wanted and he got it, one of the last things he said to me that day was ‘Sometimes you just have to go out and get it Rochelle’.

I woke up the next day feeling much more motivated. I could see my friend had removed himself from somewhere he wasn’t happy and made some progress. I was happy for him. By now I knew it was my turn, I had nothing to lose after all.

One minute I was counting my misfortunes and the next I was counting my blessings

I recall feeling so angry about EVERYTHING. I walked around feeling like the world was on my shoulders. I overlooked all the good things in my life and when I read about so & so doing XYZ I felt like crap. My automatic response to ‘how are you?’ was never a simple ‘I’m fine’ it was always ‘I’m fine, but..’ but what? I had to remind myself that I am alive, healthy, I have a wonderful family, a great set of friends, a job and so much more. I stopped complaining so much and refrained from driving myself crazy with my thoughts. In no time I noticed a big difference… I started to feel a lot better about all aspects of my life, then I started to see results.

Not everyone will understand your journey, but its okay its not theirs to understand

YESSS, please read the above again. Lately people don’t seem to understand why I am so content. ‘Don’t you have any complaints?’ ‘You’re telling me everything is A-OK?’ Yup that’s exactly what I’m telling you. I keep getting questioned about what is happening in my life lately and why I don’t want to divulge. As long as I’m doing okay that is all that matters- right? I’ve never felt the need to explain the in’s and out’s of what is going on in my life to any and everyone.

Don’t be afraid to be happy

Another blogger said this to me a few months ago.  Its taken me a long time to process the last month or so. It feels so unreal and unlike the beginning of the year, this is a good thing! I’ve proved to myself that when I put my mind to it, I can achieve it! There’s no reason why I can’t live happily like everyone else!

Its all down to my thoughts at the end of the day. If I keep feeding my body with junk food how can I expect to be healthy, its the same with my thoughts.. How can I expect a positive outcome with negativity running through my veins? It doesn’t work like that!

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More Than Passing Judgement

Writing 101, Day Seventeen: Your Personality on the Page– What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears. If you’re up for a twist, write this post in a style that’s different from your own. This isn’t a fear as such, it is something that bothers me.

Wherever I go there will be someone that dislikes me,

I’m judged even before I utter a word and I honestly don’t have time to care,

I won’t lose any hair or shed a tear,

We all make passing judgements; I’ve done my fair share,

It’s the fact that people pretend to like me that I cannot bear,

Keep the conversation to a minimum; give me a second glance or stare,

I think that would be pretty fair,

It’s closed mindedness and hate that is spread for invalid reasons that I fear,

When someone establishes their hate for someone and the reason behind it is invalid or unclear,

You talk to someone for a minute and all of a sudden they are hated,

There’s me thinking this type of behaviour was out dated,

I first came across this behaviour when I was in school,

Its funny how so many of my peers thought it was cool,

Now that I’m older it seems people have only become bolder,

Take the time to get to know me and maybe you will understand my point of view,

If you don’t like me its okay; I wish you well with whatever you do,

I do not live my life to be rated or dwell on being hated by a few.
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The Great Escape Part 2

Part 1: http://wp.me/p4xLH1-p7

I remained calm and collected as I defended myself. I was being attacked for minor errors, errors I had rectified once they had been addressed and errors that hadn’t even endured. I am open to constructive criticism, however this was something completely different. I felt like I was an outsider looking in; the interpretation of my performance did not match the reality of the situation.

The learning curve I was promised became a myth. I was never given any legitimate guidance or feedback and all the contributions I had made were not recognized. I had supposedly isolated myself in a corner from the start, I was looked in the eye and told I was welcomed with open arms and I wasn’t. The only welcome I received was from the cold air hitting me when I first entered the room. It was probably a warning for what was to come!

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I made a conscious effort to greet everyone each day and it was often one sided, but I still continued to do so. The friendly environment I expected only emerged when outsiders were present. After all the probing, I was the one that allegedly had the problem. I had to escape!

The journey home that day was a blur. I was lost in my thoughts, it was as if I was on an empty train. The sequence of events that had taken place felt so unreal. I thought why me? Day one started to make sense, there were empty desks for a reason. I clearly wasn’t the only one that had been put through this ordeal.

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There was only one other in the same boat as me; the last man standing. I watched as he had his confidence knocked each day. He quickly picked himself up and kept going. In any other situation I would say good on him, but if you were in my shoes you would wonder why he didn’t run with me.

I call this experience ‘The Great Escape’. I wish I could retract this whole chapter- The lesson learned here is to always follow my instincts! I knew something was wrong from the start, but I tried to convince myself otherwise.

My Letter To Fear

I started writing this post a few weeks ago, I was inspired by Anastasia’s post Lightbringer. Have a little read, you will understand the connection… I hope! I found her post thought provoking and I immediately started to think about taking risks and the fear of rejection. I love the ending in particular.

Dear Fear,

For as long as I can remember, you have always tried your hardest to be a part of my life. You were always the unwanted guest that insisted on staying beyond your non-existent welcome. I stupidly let you stay and you admittedly corrupted my thoughts. You would whisper in my ear right before I had plucked up enough courage to take action; implying that it was almost impossible for me to succeed and I believed you!

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In the past you made it seem like hearing the word ‘No’ was the worst thing in the world. Instead of encouraging me to go ahead and take risks; you somehow convinced me to take a back seat and watch… Watch possibly the best thing that could ever happen to me, happen to someone else or not happen at all! Unfortunately, I’m now left with a heap of what if’s.

I now realise that there is a 50/50 chance of hearing ‘No’ and a 50/50 chance of hearing ‘Yes’. No one likes being rejected; however rejection is a part of life! I hear the word ‘No’ all the time and it is inevitable that I will hear it again! The same goes for hearing the word ‘Yes’! I’ve learned that I will never know the outcome unless I go for it and who knows I may be pleasantly surprised.

I’ve always told myself that I would never allow anyone to have control over me, then right before my eyes you somehow managed to manipulate my thoughts. I often wonder how life would have been if I hadn’t met you or if I had stood up to you sooner. Your visits are less frequent nowadays, I don’t feel obliged to open the door to you anymore and I’m starting to think that you get the picture.

So Fear, how will you attempt to obstruct my thoughts today? You won’t! I won’t let you interfere anymore, you have caused enough damage! Please understand that you are no longer welcome here.

Yours sincerely,

Chelle

Don’t forget to visit Anastasia’s blog, it is one of my favourites! http://angirach.wordpress.com/