You Are Whatever You Believe You Are

Lately I’ve been so wrapped in my thoughts and this time around its helped me a great deal. It’s been an odd year to say the least. I had high hopes of a lot of things and ended up with so many disappointments. I was looking forward to new ventures and ended up in horrible situations I’d rather forget.

The first part of the year is a blur; the less I think about it… The better! Many of the people I met were nothing more than a mere lesson. I attended a pity party for one and thought to myself ‘Why me?’ ‘What did I do to deserve this?’, I had to leave the party early- it wasn’t my scene!

I spent far too much time dwelling on things in the past instead of working on improving my year. I am a bit of a worrier at the worst of times, I had to turn things around and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am in fact a warrior! I’ve put on a brave face and soldiered on and I will continue to do so!

Surround yourself with those who uplift you

I posted a poem I wrote called ‘Don’t take it personally’ and although I strongly believe time away from loved ones is needed, it is also crucial to vent every once in a while. Not everyone will be able to offer you the advice you need, however it will help you feel better and vice versa. Keeping things bottled up all the time will not harm anyone but yourself. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart, it is up to you who you decide who’s shoulder to cry on and in due time you will discover who is really down for you.

you can’t help others until you help yourself

I hate seeing my friends down in the dumps and I try the hardest to lift their spirits, but I found it so difficult to do so when I wasn’t feeling 100%. I kinda thought I would be of no help since I was struggling to help myself… I was totally wrong here, it’s possible!

My friend was in a similar situation to me, we were pretty much in the same boat to be honest. Every time we spoke he would offer me encouragement and advice. The last time we spoke I discovered he had found an escape, he knew what he wanted and he got it, one of the last things he said to me that day was ‘Sometimes you just have to go out and get it Rochelle’.

I woke up the next day feeling much more motivated. I could see my friend had removed himself from somewhere he wasn’t happy and made some progress. I was happy for him. By now I knew it was my turn, I had nothing to lose after all.

One minute I was counting my misfortunes and the next I was counting my blessings

I recall feeling so angry about EVERYTHING. I walked around feeling like the world was on my shoulders. I overlooked all the good things in my life and when I read about so & so doing XYZ I felt like crap. My automatic response to ‘how are you?’ was never a simple ‘I’m fine’ it was always ‘I’m fine, but..’ but what? I had to remind myself that I am alive, healthy, I have a wonderful family, a great set of friends, a job and so much more. I stopped complaining so much and refrained from driving myself crazy with my thoughts. In no time I noticed a big difference… I started to feel a lot better about all aspects of my life, then I started to see results.

Not everyone will understand your journey, but its okay its not theirs to understand

YESSS, please read the above again. Lately people don’t seem to understand why I am so content. ‘Don’t you have any complaints?’ ‘You’re telling me everything is A-OK?’ Yup that’s exactly what I’m telling you. I keep getting questioned about what is happening in my life lately and why I don’t want to divulge. As long as I’m doing okay that is all that matters- right? I’ve never felt the need to explain the in’s and out’s of what is going on in my life to any and everyone.

Don’t be afraid to be happy

Another blogger said this to me a few months ago.  Its taken me a long time to process the last month or so. It feels so unreal and unlike the beginning of the year, this is a good thing! I’ve proved to myself that when I put my mind to it, I can achieve it! There’s no reason why I can’t live happily like everyone else!

Its all down to my thoughts at the end of the day. If I keep feeding my body with junk food how can I expect to be healthy, its the same with my thoughts.. How can I expect a positive outcome with negativity running through my veins? It doesn’t work like that!

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Have You Missed Me?

I’ve found myself in awkward situations where I have reconnected with someone and they ask me if I’ve missed them.

If I have missed someone, I will immediately let them know and it will be genuine. Then there are times I will laugh or jokily say that I hadn’t noticed there absense presence (at this point the person gets the gist of it – I haven’t really missed them). Most people are used to my ways, at the best of times words seem to roll off the tip of my tongue and it’s hard to distinguish whether I’m being serious or pulling their leg. 

Sure I might think about certain people from time to time especially if they played some what of a big part in my life. I may even run through snippets of the good times we had, however this doesn’t neccessarily mean I’m yearning to be around them again or looking rekindle or start over. Let’s be honest overtime we look back at friendships/ relationships with people in the past and we start to see things a lot clearer. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, in the beginning you might not think you can’t live without them and months down the line… Well what do you know, you are still alive and kicking!

I kinda feel like when someone says ‘I miss you’ a part of them wants to start where you left off and in reality (in my world) this rarely ever happens. After a brief exchange of words or a little catch up within no time it drizzles out and its as if the conversation didn’t take place.

An old friend came back into my life recently and halfway through the conversation he said he had missed me. I was so close to saying I had missed him too, then I thought about it for a few seconds … I hadn’t missed him. I felt bad, I really did but we spoke all the time and then spent almost a whole year apart, so I had more than enough time think things through and I definetly made the right choice to leave him to his own devices a year ago.

It doesn’t always work both ways unfortunately. For all I know I could have dived right in and told someone I’ve missed them and they haven’t felt the same. At least I made my feelings known I guess, you can’t knock anyone for expressing how they feel in these situations. I’m not going to apologise for not being able to say the words ‘ I miss you’ if i know deep down I don’t. However I will make more of a conscious effort to express myself in future regardless of how the recipient may respond to it.1206728_21045799 (1)

The Sweet ‘n’ Sour Fruit Tale Part 2

You can read Part 1 here

Over the next 5 years Beth and Arnold still kept in contact. It was usually Arnold who would send Beth messages to check up on her. Then within no time he would disappear off the face of the earth. Beth was used to it; whenever she questioned his disappearances he would avoid the question entirely. Beth assumed she wouldn’t hear from Arnold again when he announced he was moving to another city. Then one day he popped up again…

“Can I ask you a question?” Beth asked out of the blue.

“Sure you can!” Arnold said with a hint of curiosity.

“Why do you keep disappearing?” Beth questioned as she expected the worst.

“Honestly I liked you a lot and I was finding it too hard ” Arnold explained.

For the first time Arnold didn’t avoid the question. Beth was finally able to understand where he was coming from. They were finally getting somewhere after all these years. The best part was the fact Arnold was moving back to her city!

“You inspired me to write a post on my online journal” Beth randomly mentioned in one of their conversations.

Arnold had a tendency to encourage Beth to write on her online journal. He would occasionally read through posts and give her feedback.

“Oh really, I want to read it. Send me the link!” He said as his voice was filled with excitement.

“No, I don’t think I want you to read it” Beth said nervously. Beth was nervous about sending Arnold the link. She didn’t want him to question why she had remembered a conversation they had 5 years ago.

“I’m waiting! You’re breaking my heart” He said jokily. Arnold knew Beth could be a little stubborn. Within no time she sent him the link and asked if he had remembered the conversation.

“Of course I remember!” Arnold said as he chuckled.

“Phew” Beth thought to herself. She felt a sense of relief now she was assured he didn’t think she was crazy.

There were barely any fights or disagreements. However when they fought their exchange of words hit home. Beth and Arnold had planned to meet up for the first time in ages. Beth was a little nervous and Arnold asked if she needed more time. She didn’t- it was a day she had thought about for a very long time. Then a couple days before their planned encounter this happened…

“Are you alive or are you just bored of me?” Arnold asked in a text message.

“I’m alive and I’m not bored of you” She replied swiftly as she anticipated what was to come.

“I feel like we are going backwards. I thought we were moving forward and over the last few days you seem away” He ranted.

Beth was genuinely confused. For the last week or so she was the one to initiate the communication. Arnold had taken a step back and she questioned his lack of conversation, however she didn’t express her feelings vocally.

“I have had a lot on my mind at the minute. If I have been away, it hasn’t been intentional, sorry” Beth explained; she felt like she was apologizing for no reason.

“That’s when you should talk to me, so I know how you’re feeling” He snapped.

“I would have if I needed to. It’s not like I haven’t made contact for ages, I even messaged you yesterday” Beth had a point. They spoke yesterday and even then everything seemed okay.

“I could sense something was up over the last few days, but I guess we can be friends. It’s better than nothing”

“Wow. You’re not listening to me. If I have been slightly away it has nothing to do with you!”

“K” He responded with the dreaded letter that ends conversations promptly. He shut her down, no matter what Beth said he didn’t believe a word of it.

Things took a turn for the worst and the day Beth had waited so long for wasn’t likely to happen. The fruit was slowly becoming sour…

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Behind The Lies

At one point in time I was certain everything was fine

Then you proceeded to cross the line

You claimed I didn’t give you my time

Lie upon lie

I asked you a question which you denied

From there I knew I had figured it all out

I had finally figured out what you were all about

You implied it was all on me

I laughed to myself as I realised I was free

Free from your bullshit…I only wish I hadn’t wasted my time

A new leaf was turned that evening all because of one lie

All I have left is one question, why?

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The Sweet ‘n’ Sour Fruit Tale Part 1

Writing 101, Day Twelve: (Virtual) Dark Clouds on the Horizon: Write a post inspired by a real-world conversation.

This conversation took place 5 years ago, it is a true story and I still remember it to this day. We’ll call these two Arnold and Beth. They clicked from day one; Arnold found beauty in the way Beth spoke and Beth felt comfortable in Arnold’s presence. Beth struggled to express how she truly felt, so she hid behind her sarcasm and witty remarks. One day Beth started talking in riddles to display her affection. Arnold didn’t look at her like she was crazy or question her sanity, he riddled with her!

“We need to talk”.

“Okay then let’s talk”.

“There is this fruit and sometimes it can be sweet and on the rare occasion its sour. I don’t know which one I’m getting on a daily basis. I’m uncertain if this fruit is constantly this sweet or if it’s only around me. I don’t know if I should bother with this fruit or if I should throw it away. What do you think?”.

“First you need to ask yourself if this fruit gives you food for thought. If you feel like you are stuck in between the fruit being sweet or sour, maybe you should open the fruit up more and then you’ll get to know it a little better”.

” In a way the fruit does give me food for thought, I wouldn’t bother with it if it didn’t. The fruit is intriguing and I think about it a lot. I’m told I keep my guard up, but if I knew more about the fruit, then the fruit may end up finding out more about me”.

” I think you explained it in the best way. Its the fear of not knowing enough about the fruit apart from the sweet layer that makes you wonder if there is anything beneath this layer. I’m pretty sure the fruit would like to know if there are anymore layers to a particular fruit just as much as you do”.

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Arnold attempted to let Beth know how he felt in the past and she pushed him away. Beth hoped the riddling session would open new doors, however she somehow slipped back into her old ways. Arnold was left in a confused state of mind yet again and the sweet ‘n’ sour fruit tale continued!

Do You Really Need Someone?

We all need someone whether we want to admit it or not. I’m sure you can think of a few people you need in your life! I’m talking about in general, but I want to touch on the subject on a personal level! In theory we are all born alone and we die alone. However many of us feel as though we want or need a companion, it’s natural!

I asked my friend if he thought there were people that genuinely wanted to be alone long term and he said ‘Yes’. I’m unable to apprehend why anyone would choose to be alone long term, although it isn’t hard to understand what may have triggered their thoughts which lead to their decision. Surely there must be a part of them that desires some sort of a companionship?

What are your thoughts?

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7 Tips For Living The Single Life

I’m in one of those long distance relationships where my boyfriend lives in the future. Right now he may be thinking about what he is having for dinner or whether or not he should go to the gym…Whilst I’m here writing about how much I don’t know about him, since I don’t know who he is yet! Are you in the same boat as me? Don’t stress!

1. Good things comes to those who wait
To an extent, if you are sitting at home waiting for the postman to deliver your new spouse, you may be left disappointed. If only it were that easy! Get out and mingle with people or use the internet if need be, you can meet people practically anywhere. As long as you are in the game, who knows who may come your way!

2. Spend time getting to know you
Me time is essential! Its okay to enjoy your own company and you may even find it useful when you get into a relationship. When you and your partner spend time apart at least you won’t be a lost chicken wondering what to do with yourself.

3.  The time isn’t right
Before you start running through all the imaginary faults you have, stop right there…thank you very much! There is nothing wrong with you, there is someone for everyone and your time will come!

4. Don’t be too picky
It’s okay to have a preference, but there is a thin line between being picky and having a preference. If you wait around for the perfect guy/girl who ticks every single box, your grandkids will probably be in a relationship before you (Ok…you get my point!).

5.  You never meet anyone
Really? Please tell me more…Let’s be honest, you do encounter people that are attracted to you. Some show interest and then they end up in the friendzone. One day you might look back and wonder how such a nice girl/guy ended up in the friendzone. You put them there! Were you waiting for some other lucky bugger to scoop them up? Make sure you don’t make the same mistake again! Remember the guy/girl that said hello to you a few days ago, you walked right past them and you didn’t even give them the time of day! Think very hard before you claim you never meet anyone!

6. Smile!
You never know who’s watching! If you look across the room and see someone frowning would you really want to approach them? Have you ever heard someone say “It was their frown that attracted me to them”… No! NO! No! Smiles are so inviting and we automatically feel the need to go over and talk to the person. It’s only right we practice our smiling exercises daily and smile more!

7. Have fun!
Always remember to enjoy the present moment  🙂

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*Disclaimer* These tips are based on my own opinions and experiences.